Oh good god, I havent wrote in this thing in ages. I guess I just been on myspace too much, but there are some things you dont want people to se, and I know people dont check this thing anymore. I dont know where I am going, or who I am anymore. I constantly stay out all night to keep my mind off boredom, because when I ge bored I get depressed and all those horrible things I used to think about when i was like fourteen all come back into my head,and that terrifies me. Who are my real friends? I hold 5 of you close. Jessica, you're so wrapped up in getting fucked up and partying and you do too much of it, get responsible, becuase sometimes even though you say you care for me as a friend, I think youd chose a drink over me. Mishon, I love you to death too, you know im there whenever, but sometimes I dont think youre being 100 percent honest with me or yourself. Bugs, you are my best...but I dont see you ever, you rarely return my calls, shit you called today and hung up afer 2 minutes saying ud call back ina minute, well its 4 hours later, still no returned phone call. KC sometimes I really dont know what to think of our friendship, I mean shit look how we met, look who we met thru and look how much we argue. When were together its ifferent but most of the time you just act really stuck up and I cant take it. And Sass, Im so glad weve recently been hanging out and talking again becasue there was no one I was closer with in HS then you. We have all the same goofy qwerks and say the dumbest things and we have soo many memories, but sometimes i just dont think youre being honest. I guess I have my downfalls too, shit i know i am not perfect. Im still hung up on the ex, and I constantly find myself calling him to hang out or his friends so I kno i get to see him atleast, and it sucks.

Ive decided Im moving to ftmyers, Im going to live with Cassie and Limor...and try and work for Mac and go back to Hooters. Ill keep the dance studio one night a week so I can do that, but other then that, no more pC, maybe on the day that I teach ill go to dad and michelles for dinner or something just to keep in touch. But thats what I am going to do. I am going to try and go to school again and actually go and not fuck up like I usually do, and work my jobs and just do my thing. Find a new guy, new friends, new people all together. And I think I can do it. Shit, I know I can do it. I have alot of shit to get together tho before I go. I need to pay off Altell, and Bank of America, or get that shit straigtned out. I need to get a secured credit card so I can build my TERRIBLE credit as soon as possible and i need to save at least a grand. I need a new car so once I get my credit fixed and all that jazz Ill be able to finance or maybe just outright buy. I wish I had someon to help, but I guess we;re not all born with the wealthiest parents, and trust me I know more then anyone. I wish some of these kids would walk in my old neighborhood, theyd shit their pants right then and there. I used to be petrified at night time. Im glad that night mare is over. I have to talk to deb, the lady I live with, maybe I can get her to lower my rent cause I cant afford 400 bucks a month PLUS food and all my bills, I mean I gotta get ANOTHER job, thats 3 for the record. I just am not happy at Clinique anymore, and really want to go work for Mac, realllly bad. Going back to Hooters doesnt sound like a bad idea either, good money, and serving kicks ass, I mean yeah it is EXHAUSTING but I am good at it, and I know I can pull in over a hundred bucks a night, shit thats rent in 2 days. And plus when I move in here itll be like 275 each for us. Thats nothing!!! Cassie Limor and I really gotta sit down and talk this through. Cause right now Im all for it, I am going to tell kathleen, and talk to Cindy and Deb as soon as I get back to work. I have to do my taxes on thursday and go find another part time job. Something that I will enjoy doing. I called the tanning bed lady again but there was no answer there. I really need to get tan, and make money so maybe this is the way, atleast I am hoping so. I could also get a job at Nextel, or at Wet Seal or at Walmart where Koas dads friend offered me a job starting Jewelery at like 9 bucks an hour. I could do that definitely work a grave yard shift like 2 nights or 3 a week. 930-2 or something. Shit Im used to being out that late everynight why not work? Well Im hoping Limor and Cass will be back soon, Im getting bored. See yaaa

Okay, so there is nothing interesting online right now.

WTF mate?!

Tonight I had rehearsal at VLT for Cabaret. I love this show, seriously, its going to be AMAZING!!! U really have no idea do you? LoL! I have this crazy lift with Jonathan at the end of the opening number, holy hell im gonna break my neck, seriously.And of courseI also have a lift with Dahly. Laura and Lesley started to get to me at rehearsal but I talked to Mike, Lauras fiancee, and he siad Laura loves me...so I guess or atleast i hope I have nothing to worry about. Thank god cause it was really bothering me earlier...no seriously.

Today is Brads Christmas party, Im so excited, I cant wait...

DaniWah is on my couch typing on her laptop...goddamn the 00's we have so many new gidgets and gadgets, that instead of saying actual words to eachother, we IM eachother...WEIRDOS we are. We took a TON of pictures tonight on her digi, yayyyy. lol...but now my tummy is all bloated and feels funny, and i have to be at work at 10:30AM..so MAYBE i need to go to bed.

Oh and I talked to Avi today, for alittle bit. My assumption aboutyou know who was right. Hes justnot ready...Oh well..lol...

I was up till 4AM talkng to Rich last night cause of all the problems I am having with guys...and WAIT till i get my hands on Joe, hes fucking dead!

Tootles:)

So Ive been back in PC for one week and 2 days. Its the same. I still go everywhere and see 100 people I know. Jeez I used to make fun of my mom for knowing everyone...but now look who Ive turned into.

My computer was broken but its fixed now....150 dollars later ...my parents are loaning me SOO much money its nauseating! Ugh!

I start school Jan 3rd...4 classes...well 5 but I still need to sign up for it..yeah my CPTs didnt make the cut...whatev.

I dont want to be naive with him, Im not in love with him, and I dont really care but for some reason I still have feelings and I still want to be around him. I talk to Rich and Joe, and now Mike...but I dont know, for some reason or another i'd rather be with him sometimes. Dude....just go away! lol

I need a new car damnit. My 97 just hit her 100 thousand mark....shes a pain in the ass. Someone said my transmission is loud...just great. Fuckers!

Christie is coming in March....yay! I told her the only time im leaving her is to go to work, unless i can get those days off....hopefully im on spring break too! That would be super kick ass!!!!!

I must get my lazy ass up now and get ready, I just got out of the shower and im just sitting here in my towel...by the way, I fucking HATE the new AIM! I want the old one back...FUCKERS ()@&%(!

Toodles xoxo

<3 Jess

Oh btw....19 in 14 days BITCHES () :)

Wow to say that im not keeping up with this thing is a hardcore understatement.

So news?! I'll do it in bullets

*I've decided to move back to dads and michelle's house and live with the family again...
*Im going to go to Edison, Math, English, Into to Education and Theatre History
*Im going to be in Christmas Carol again, not to mention Music Man at PCHS helping out since they booted 2 girls
*I just found out I got cast In CABARET! WOOOT!
*I think i like MP again...ooops, I know i still like WH but MP! dammmmmmit
*I cant fucking wait to see my Sass again!!!
*I cant wait to have my own room/clothes/makeup...AGAIN
*I think i just need to concentrate on school and work and shows right now
*I QUIT SMOKING!!!!
*Drinkin doesnt excite me whatsoever anymore
*I hope i get to take Brad's dance class at VLT!

16 days...well now so much 15!

:)